My Answer is NO!Posted: December 19, 2014
Sometimes your kid does something that drives you crazy and you think, “Ahhh, why does he do that!?” and then after much thought and consideration you realize….oh, I do that. Kids are amazing teachers.
Us: Hey, we are going to go on a train (your favorite thing ever), go downtown to see Christmas lights and eat and play and shop.
Us: We are going to go the trampoline park.
Us: We are going to go to the zoo.
I think you see the pattern. We plan something fun and exciting and his immediate reaction is NO and it’s not the little kid NO that all toddlers say, it’s his reaction after 30 seconds of thought. He automatically goes to NO and guess what, so do I. What drives me insane about my own child is exactly what I do either verbally or in my own thoughts.
I have realized that I go to NO, because I need more information. I don’t want to say YES unless I have details. Who? What? When? Where? Why? I am not doing something out of my safety zone unless I have details. I am not putting myself in a situation where I am not comfortable unless I have details. I tested my theory yesterday. If I gave Funny details would he go to YES quicker, easier, be less apprehensive, have less anxiety? The answer, yes.
Yesterday afternoon we had errands to do, we had to go to the chiropractor, to the pet store, to the health food store and to the train hobby shop and I knew this would put NO BOY over the edge. Before we left, or I even suggested that we had to leave the house, I sat down on the floor and explained to him where we were going, when we were going to each place, why we were going and how long we would be at each place. Surprisingly, he said, “okay” and there you have it…details is what he needs. So, I did what every parent does and I Google’d this and here is what I found….
- Don’t over explain to your kids
- Don’t explain to your kids at all
- Don’t allow them to say NO to you
- Don’t allow them to argue with you
The list goes on and on and although in some situations this may be acceptable, it’s not in my situation. I understand Funny. I get that details are important and they make you feel safe and they make you feel comfortable and although he will be in many situations throughout life that may not always be comfortable, going to the zoo with his parents should not be one of them.
I continue learning about him and learning about me and what worked yesterday may not work today, but that’s okay. I will continue to understand and try. Going to NO is not the worst thing, it’s the same as him saying, “I need to think about this more. I need more information”, but he’s 3 and hasn’t figured that out yet. I am 34 and just figured this out yesterday. Going to NO is his safety zone and it’s mine too. Now, I feel bad for my parents who are definitely not NO people so I must have driven them insane. Oh, well….NO!